


Covered Scars

by GreenFire66



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Injury Recovery, M/M, Mild Language, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 03:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17236448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenFire66/pseuds/GreenFire66
Summary: “These are just marks from a past time. Back from when I… I was disgusted with myself.” He finished weakly. “I’m not a good person.”And he wasn’t. A good person wouldn’t have done what he did. He set the house aflame, he was fully aware of his actions. He was sure of it.“Bull.”(-)Or, Caleb's past struggles make themselves known, and Fjord's there to help in the fallout.





	Covered Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Before I get into it, I do want to emphasize the trigger warning for self-harm and stress the real world implications of the topic at hand. If you or a loved one are struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide idealization, please reach out, get in contact. There are people who care, people you can go to, hotlines you can call.  
> With that addressed, I hope you all enjoy the work.

“Ambush!”

Caleb’s eyes flared open at the shrill of Nott’s voice. With a surge he stood up and threw his coat on as he raced outside, globules of light illuminating his steps.

The first thing that grabbed Caleb’s attention was Nott, crossbow aimed at one of the trees surrounding the camp’s perimeter. Arrows littered the ground at their feet. Yasha had her weapon drawn, dashing towards a figure off in the cover of the trees. Everyone else was in much the same state as Caleb, confused and alert.

Fjord’s sword conjured in his hand just in time to deflect an arrow aimed squarely at his chest. Caleb watched the arrow tumble to the ground before quickly turning and letting loose a firebolt in the direction it came from. With an arcane gesture and a flick of his wrist, Caleb scattered the globules of lights across the perimeter of the camp.

“Appreciated, friend,” he heard Caduceus call from off to his side. Stealing a glance, he watched as the firbolg tapped his staff into the ground, the beetles swarming towards an unsuspecting archer illuminated by the lights.

Above him, the faintest sound of a lightning crackle gripped his attention. Over his shoulder, he saw the magical energy of the forming storm emanate from a robed women.

 _“Nein!”_ Caleb shouted as instinct gripped him, a rush of adrenaline as the somatic steps of the spell graced his hands and he completed the spell with a _snap_ in her direction. Above him, the cloud stilled briefly before splitting, the lightning bolts crackled before dissipating into the nothingness of the air around it.

“Caleb!”

He heard the voice clearly amidst the chaos, but turning in the direction felt like slow motion. His neck twisted towards the sound, and his vision was held by the arrowheads that sped towards him. He didn’t have enough time to raise the shield spell, the magical crackle of the counterspell ebbing off of his fingers cruelly reminded him. Eyes closed, Caleb raised his arms in a desperate attempt to spare his skull.

Only a silent gasp escaped his mouth as he felt both arrowheads pierce his right arm.

Shock coiled up Caleb’s body as his knees dropped to the ground. He stared at the arrows, teeth grit in an attempt to calm his breathing. Around him, the fight surged on, with both sides taking damage. His fingers twitched, the muscles in his hand having a mind of their own as he futility tried to raise them to cast.

Defeated, Caleb raised his left hand, watching the arm quiver as the blue sparks coalesced in his hand before launching forward. The six magic missiles surged towards the targets, and Caleb watched with mixed satisfaction as one of the archers in the trees fell to the ground with an unaccompanied _thud_.

The occasional sound of his heavy breathing was interrupted by the sound of charging feet. The sound spurred him to stand, blearily watching as a hooded figure dashed towards him, twin daggers twirled into an offensive grip.

In a panic, Caleb raised the shield around himself. His brain faintly noticed the numbness of his arm as he watched the first dagger stab collide with the shield, the cracks splintering the arcane barrier. The second slash weaved inside the barrier, through one of the cracks, and Caleb could see his blood splash against the inside of the barrier before he even felt the stinging bite of the wound. Pain dulled his body’s reactions, but his vision flicked upwards at the bellowing roar that emanated from near him.

“Get back!” a voice bellowed, and Caleb watched as two spheres of energy barreled into the rogue’s back, the wave of force sending the rogue’s body past Caleb in an arc before crumpling on the ground. Caleb’s body turned to the rogue’s unmoving form as footsteps rushed to him.

“You alright?”

_Fjord._

“ _Ja_. I will be.” Caleb replied automatically, performing his post-battle check of the environment around him. It seemed the fight around them had stilled, the rest of the attackers either on the ground or fleeing.

When Caleb turned back to look at Fjord, he heard a sharp intake from the half-orc in front of him. With a glare, Fjord retorted, “Yeah, I fuckin’ bet. I’m sure the arrows in your arm agree with ya.”

Caleb, the adrenaline of the fight leaving his body, lifted his arm to meet the arrows at eye level. Mutely, he reached his left hand to grip at the arrow shaft.

“Wait-”

With a pained groan that was becoming too familiar to his ears, Caleb plucked the first arrow out of his arm. He took a moment to toss the arrow aside before moving diligently to the next.

“Ca-”

With the second removed, Caleb sat down and inspected the arrowheads. Neither seemed to be enchanted or dripping with poison, which was some form of silver lining, he thought to himself.

Caleb heard a tear next to him and felt a hand grip his arm. Startled, he looked up to see Fjord looking attentively at the now-bleeding puncture wounds before looking back at him.

“I’m gonna need to unwrap the bandages to get at the wounds,” Fjord explained, and Caleb continued to stare at him blankly. “The wrappings. They’re going to make it difficult to clean the wounds.”

Caleb’s brain picked up pace with what Fjord was saying, and with widened eyes, he tore his arm back, hissing at the pain of the sudden movement.

“Caleb. You’re bleeding out.” Fjord situated himself to sit more comfortably in front of Caleb, watching his reaction carefully. “Jester and Caduceus are busy with Yasha and Nott, so-”

“Nott?” Caleb parroted, his eyes widening as he went to stand up.

“They’re fine, they’re both fine.” Fjord reassured immediately. “Just took some damage, but they’re being fixed up as we speak.” Caleb could see the outlines closer to the campfire, and he took a breath. “But you need to let me help you. We can’t leave these wounds open while we wait. Especially not now.”

Caleb watched with distant interest as the blood poured out of the gaps in his arms before his gaze followed to the slash in his stomach.

“Here, I borrowed some gauze from Jester earlier.” Fjord moved closer, reaching for the hem on Caleb's shirt before halting. “Um. Sorry. You good if I…?”

“Do what you feel you need to,” Caleb sighed, resigned. His hand clamped over one of the arrow holes as Fjord lifted Caleb's shirt high enough to get to the wound. He wrapped the gauze around, and Caleb tried to think of anything other than the ghost-like brush of Fjord's fingers as they danced around Caleb's chest.

Or of bleeding out. Both were dangerous to focus on.

“When Jester or Caduceus get a chance, they're gonna need to clean and cure this. But for now, we just need to staunch the flow.” Fjord returned his gaze to Caleb's. “Now. Your arm?”

Caleb stilled. Eyes cast downward, he nodded.

“I… I don't mean to impose. But-”

“It's fine,” Caleb heard himself respond as his left hand moved to unravel the bandaging. Tearing at the knot rather than untying it, Caleb tossed the bandage to the side before moving his arm to Fjord, palm facing the ground.

Fjord unscrewed a flask of water and gently poured some of it over Caleb’s arm. Caleb watched as the water fixed with the blood, a see-through crimson that bled into the darkness as it fell to the dirt under them.

Fjord nodded before placing the gauze over one of the wounds. He began to place his hand on Caleb's arm, but looked up as he did so, a silent ask for consent.

Caleb nodded.

Fjord looped the gauze around his arms, and Caleb watched as Fjord pointedly looked squarely at the injuries. He could tell that Fjord felt there was something Caleb was hiding, and his desire to not stick his nose if Caleb didn't want to share was a form of thoughtfulness that left Caleb at a loss for words.

Fjord had a habit of doing that to him.

“That should do it.” Fjord interrupted his thoughts, patting the gauze to make sure it stuck in place. Caleb’s eyes trailed from the wrapping to the sincere smile of Fjord’s face, dazzling in his direction. The faint glow of the fire behind them illuminated the outline of Fjord’s being as he continued. “Feeling any better?”

“A little… _ja_.” Caleb’s gaze flicked back to the bandages, and he flipped his arm over to inspect the wrappings on the other side.

He could feel Fjord stiffen in front of him.

“The dressings look like they’ll hold well.” Caleb looked back up to a Fjord looking pointedly at the ground off to his side. “Thanks, Fjord.”

“Y-yeah.”

Caleb looked at him, trying to read the look on Fjord’s face, and found himself met with an array of emotions, but when Fjord looked back up at him, one in particular slammed into Caleb’s chest.

Concern.

Caleb went to stand up, and was interrupted when he felt a hand on his shoulder. The most subtle of contact, he could shake the hand off easily if he wanted to. He didn’t.

“Caleb.” He heard Fjord give a quick exhale as he dropped the arm off of Caleb’s shoulder. “I’m not gonna pry. Just… you’re important. Okay? To the group… to me. Don’t feel like you can’t go to us for anything, ya’ hear?”

“They… they were from a while ago.” Caleb heard himself reply, his mind flooded with memories of the asylum. The years spent in anguish, self-hatred. Nothing to do but contemplate his actions, and blame himself for them. “I…” Caleb found himself unable to continue, and the silence filled the air around them.

“I did something that I… regret. Hated myself for. Still hate myself for doing.” Caleb’s vision trained on the scars that danced below his wrist. He took a steadying breath as the bleakness of the white walls of his prison cascaded his mind. “Until I met Nott… I had nothing. She… she saved my life.” Caleb looked to Fjord, who returned a fully attentive stare and a solemn nod. Fjord didn’t need to use words to convey that he was listening, didn’t need words to convey that he understood the importance of what Caleb was saying.

“These are just marks from a past time. Back from when I… I was disgusted with myself.” He finished weakly. “I’m not a good person.”

And he wasn’t. A good person wouldn’t have done what he did. He set the house aflame, he was fully aware of his actions. He was _sure_ of it.

“Bull.” Behind Fjord, a fragment of one of the branches in the campfire broke off and fell into the embers, the briefest of flashes of light accompanied the spark. “I don’t know what your past is like, Caleb. Shit, maybe some of the stuff you did wasn’t all that great.” Fjord’s eyes softened as Caleb turned his gaze from the flames back to him. “We all have some stuff we’re keeping close to our chest, I’m sure. But I know what you’ve done for Nott, and this group. For me, even.”

“For you?”

“Of course.” Fjord nodded with a genuine smile. “You’ve always been a source of support for me. I sought you out for help with Avantika… Caleb, you saved me, Jester, and Yasha from the Iron Shepherds. Don’t think I’ve forgotten-”

“Group effort.” Caleb replied with a shake of his head. “Don’t thank-”

“You say that. And yet I reckon the group depended on you for leadership. You could’ve made the call that it was too dangerous, that we weren’t worth the risk.”

“Of course you were worth the risk.” Caleb stilled. “The lot of you.”

“See?” Fjord moved a hand to cover Caleb’s, and gave a gentle squeeze. Caleb flushed as he looked to Fjord. “You’re a good man.”

Caleb raised his arm, lifting Fjord’s hand with it. Digging through his pouch, Caleb found spare wrappings and worked to wrap the bandages around his arm. He let go of Fjord’s hand as he went, covering the scars and the gauze as he went. A smudge of red soaked through as he stared blankly at the fresh wrapping.

“I don’t deserve your support, but.” Caleb’s mouth twitched in a smile when he saw Fjord go to protest, paused by Caleb’s continuation. “Thank you, Fjord.”

Fjord nodded in response, a soft smile on his face as he rubbed the back of his head with one hand. Slowly, hesitantly, Caleb reached to place his hand back over Fjord’s where it rest on his knee. Fjord looked at where their hands met, the connection a physical lifeline between the two.

“Stay?” Caleb asked. One word. One word that carried so much weight, left Caleb feeling vulnerable, exposed. Fjord looked back up at him with a smile.

“‘Course. Yeah, okay.” Fjord pushed himself off of the ground, just enough to move around to sit next to Caleb without breaking the physical contact. Caleb felt his eyes growing heavy as Fjord’s presence next to him blanketed him with a comforting warmth. He eased slightly, relaxing against the tree and brushing their shoulders together.

“Hey, don’t sleep quite yet, okay? Not ‘til Jester or-”

“There you two are.” The familiar baritone rumble sounded next to them. Craning his neck up, Caleb could make out Caduceus’ outline and nodded. Cad bent down and looked over the two. Hovering his hand over Caleb’s chest, he gave a quick incantation and released the divine energy. Caleb watched as the magic dispersed, some of it gathering around the wound on his chest, and the rest seeking out his arm and sinking into the wrappings.

With a satisfied nod, Caduceus stood, giving Fjord a quick scan before saying, “That’s good. Sleep, if you can. Beau and I have next watch.”

They sat there. Caleb felt his weight begin to lean off of the tree and onto Fjord’s shoulder. Fjord wrapped an arm around Caleb’s back and after a brief pause, slowly ran his fingers through the Caleb’s hair. Caleb let out a content sigh.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m all for Caduceus’ idea of getting some fuckin’ sleep.”

“ _Ja_. Agreed.”

Neither of them moved. And as Caleb stilled, his mind relaxing and his eyes drifting into darkness, he felt Fjord lean in ever-so-slightly.

And the soft kiss that Fjord placed on the top of his head? The way the two of them drifted into sleep next to each other and the warmth of the dying embers of the fire?

It was one thing to simply cover a wound, to let it fester until it’s mark remained. It was something else to recover, to make up for what was lost. They say time heals old wounds, yet Caleb has never felt more restored than he has now, drifting off to sleep in Fjord’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> "But Green, where's that multi-chapter piece you said you were working on at the end of your NaNoWriMo challenge?" It's in the works still, actually. I have the first chapter mostly fleshed out, but I want to get a couple of chapters of buffer before I start posting, in case I get hit with a mental or schedule-based roadblock, since I foresee that one spanning a large number of chapters.  
> Regardless, thank you all for taking the time to read, I hope you enjoyed. Any and all kudos, comments, and views are appreciated.


End file.
